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Location: Tracy, California, United States

I live an insect life. I detest pop culture and mock it relentlessly. I have a sense of humor, but mostly find myself laughed at rather than laughed with... not that there's anything wrong with that...

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Old Crab

Long have I languished under the weight
Of many-garlanded, barnicled time.
Every joint creaks like the wooden planks of a frigate
While the silence of the deep makes of me a sad mime.

My friends (there are only two) who have thus far won the war;
Who have run the natural gauntlet of predator and prey.
They too are slow and their shells can molt no more,
So they grow haggard with the stalagmite strain.

But one in particular, Coriander, his name,
Sported fronds of seaweed from his barnicled abode,
And after a time it seemed as if he wore a sargasso mane
Or tail of an exotic fish, to see how it flowed.

Coriander did not complain.
No creak or squeak did we hear.
Coriander did not feel pain.
The answer was ocean clear.

While we plodded dismally with an arthritic speed,
Coriander's sargassum plumage eased his burden,
And then we saw him float away by his weed
Like a bubble of air into the light above.

I then wept (for crustaceans can cry) to see him go;
Then painfully crept through the rocks to wonder how I will go.

2 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

The imagery is consistent, painting an ancient, calcified milieu.

On craft: why the sudden switch to past tense in stanza 3? Just to achieve "flowed?" If you wanted to keep it present, "flow would rhyme as well. Also, why drop the rhyme scheme at the end (burden: above)? Couldn't you find something to fit? The reader is left wanting, perhaps, a consistent syllabic rhythm to match the rhyme. The meter flows at times, but at other times stumbles.

I wonder, are these three aspects of the author's psyche? If so (or even not if), I am curious about the unnamed, undescribed second friend.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Brian Perez said...

Well, Geoff, flow would not work as it would be a near-rhyme rather than a full one. Abode/flowed. Abode/flow doesn't quite work. The fact that I started the stanza with an infinitive granted me the right to use the past tense.
As for the burden/above issue, I did that to break the hypnosis thus causing the reader to wake up and pay attention to that particular stanza which makes the ending, in my opinion, more poignant.

I will leave your other questions to your imagination.

Thanks for commenting on my poem, Geoff. Hope you liked it.

6:59 PM  

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